The Commandments

Back when I first started playing Dungeons and Dragons, our DM had a list of general rules that all players should follow. The first ten or so we’re geared toward joining players so they would know what to expect. The rest were noteworthy “What did we learn?” points due to sessions that went really poorly, or resulted in a character’s death. Learn from history, or be doomed to repeat it.

Over the course of the past 20 years, the OG list has been lost. My long time players have the spirit of the commandments engrained into their brains, but I felt I needed to recompile the list for the new players and campaign setting we have now. I present to you the Holy Commandments of D&D.

0: Do not assume. Assumptions are the mother of all fuckups.

1: The DM is god. Anything said happens even if this would appear to contradict the written rules of the game.

2: God is the DM. (Refer to rule one)

3: Thou shall not make a mess. The DM is not your mother.

4: Mountain Dew Seltzer is the nectar of the gods. Offerings to the DM and party are highly recommended.

5: Don’t give the DM ideas

6: When the DM smiles it is already too late.

7) Stealing from the party is a good way to get yourself killed.

8) Killing party members is not a good way to gain XP.


10) The Undead to not make good pets.

11) Don’t hug the cacti

12) Your character having multiple classes is neat, but probably not useful.

13) Just because a monk CAN do some monk shit, it doesn’t always mean they should.