The Commandments

Back when I first started playing Dungeons and Dragons, our DM had a list of general rules that all players should follow. The first ten or so we’re geared toward joining players so they would know what to expect. The rest were noteworthy “What did we learn?” points due to sessions that went really poorly, or resulted in a character’s death. Learn from history, or be doomed to repeat it.

Over the course of the past 20 years, the OG list has been lost. My long time players have the spirit of the commandments engrained into their brains, but I felt I needed to recompile the list for the new players and campaign setting we have now. I present to you the Holy Commandments of D&D.

0: Do not assume. Assumptions are the mother of all fuckups.

1: The DM is god. Anything said happens even if this would appear to contradict the written rules of the game.

2: God is the DM. (Refer to rule one)

3: Thou shall not make a mess. The DM is not your mother.

4: Mountain Dew Seltzer is the nectar of the gods. Offerings to the DM and party are highly recommended.

5: Don’t give the DM ideas

6: When the DM smiles it is already too late.

7) Stealing from the party is a good way to get yourself killed.

8) Killing party members is not a good way to gain XP.

9) NEVER SPLIT THE PARTY.

10) The Undead to not make good pets.

11) Don’t hug the cacti

12) Your character having multiple classes is neat, but probably not useful.

13) Just because a monk CAN do some monk shit, it doesn’t always mean they should.

14)

Recap from the last 2 sessions

Recap for session 6/16/19:

May 15th – 00:01:

Having defeated the ambush in the tunnel, the party decides it’s time to finish the fight with the Witch. So they storm the castle to find the main entrance guarded by the single Kokuri they found in the tunnel, who had escaped and warned of their approach. He invites them in and offered refreshments, but when K’pah, are found guarding the Witch’s Hall, he was brutally murdered (depending on who you ask.)

The Witch has chosen a new champion, and a battle ensues. The party gets the Witch on the run again, so Victadome and Odric pursue. Victadome is met with a flaming hands to the face, and is felled. Odric charges in over his fallen comrade and sacrifices himself by tanking all of the Witch’s frosty shield.

(and then Dante had to go)

The recap so far…

Thanks to Odric, our official scribe for providing al the fuzzy details.

——–

May 5,  12:00

As your caravan rounds the top of a hill you see the main tower of Hyrule Castle that marks the end of your journey. The road winds lazily thru the plains passing small farms. The city’s walls slowly come into view and you can begin to make out the Hylian Guard patrolling its length. You approach the drawbridge that crosses the moat, and you’re met by a group of porters wearing the insignia of the Trader’s Guild. The caravan master passes your pay and visas over to your party, and he points you off toward the Sleepy Tavern where Jeff’s arranged accommodations for the week you’ll be in town.

  • The party gets to know each other over a few beers, and Sam Axe the Bartender, eventually clues them in on the missing Kokuri workers in the cellar. A tight hole is found, and the party worms in.
    • Armor and shields were left at the entrance (recovered After), and the party expended themselves fighting 4 Stalfos (CR ¼ 200 xp)
      • Paladin Victodome loses sword.
    • Knot informs Sam about the situation, and negotiates a 50 GP reward for the return of his Kokuri workers. And Sam will expand the hole so the party can enter unrestricted.
    • Victodome bought a short sword from Barracks Quartermaster, Sihnion Balmenor 15:30
    • Knot performed at the tavern for 9 gp 20:00
    • Long rest –
      1. Knot starts having dreams about his long lost love, Zelda.
  • May 6th – 7th
    • 06:00  the party descends into the cellar to find giant screaming mushrooms that nearly wipe the group out.
    • 008:00 One Kokuri is captured, sedated, and dumped into The Hylian barracks with the Post Marshall, Onas Dorven
    • 13:00 – Short Rest – Knot sneaks away into the dungeon alone.
    • 16:00 – Knot is stealthy, Victodome and Darius head to the barracks to investigate the spores, and turn their findings over to a court wizard. Vic buys a glaive, and after an hour notices that Knot is missing.
    • The party pursues, but Knot is too quick. A group of Kokuri are intercepted and (Knot 2) is captured.
    • 21:00 Long rest
  • May 8th
    • 18:00 The main party emerges from the tunnel to find an abandoned fortress heavily guarded. (Knot 2 is eaten by goombas.) Party opts to wait until day to investigate.
  • May 9th
    • 8:00 – Knot breaks Zelda’s mental grasp and a battle occurs. The fight ends in a stalemate, and the party is forced to retreat into the jungle. And ultimately back to Hyrule.
    • 20:00 – During a rest, the party spots a group of Kokuri running toward the abandoned fortress. 4 are captured. And hauled back to Hyrule.
  • May 11th
    • Get the 4 Kokuri back to Hyrule, and meet up with the Post Marshall and find the OG Kokuri has mutated further. The Party has applied for new visas, and left to find Tassarion Straeth, the wizard.
    • The hive mind is spreading.
    • 18:00 – Sleepy Tavern – The party decides burn out the tunnel shrooms.
    • 18:30 – Party meets up with Beliolith Rilas, Sr. Investigator for the Hylian guard. Due to K’pah trouble near the southern border of the Hyrule Fields, he is only able to spare 6 recruits to help. Odric points out the correlation with the abandoned fortress, and the K’pah activity.
    • 23:00 – The recruits gear up and meet the party at the tavern and embark.
  • May 12/13th
    • The group does work, and comes across a lone Kokuri scot, who is wounded and flees.
  • May 14th
    • 18:00 -Party sets down to rest, with the intention of exploring during the day.
    • 24:00 – Ambush